Dr. Rosalyn | Self-Care When You are a Caretaker
I was surely going to get to this topic eventually but it wasn't my plan for this week. I have been my mother's primary caretaker since December of 2005. She got really sick the year before and as soon as I took my first post graduate position I looked for a place that she could live in with me because she would not be able to live independently again. I've been running on what looks like fumes since the 10th. Not sure there fumes to be had but yeah I took students to Chicago for a pre-planned trip the morning that I also had to put my mother into the hospital for something unrelated to her other health concerns. I managed to take care of her from a distance until I came home that Saturday and then it was work, mom, sleep for the next week. At which point they decided she need a specialist because things were getting worse not better and the moved her to a nearby city where a specialist was located.
I still had to manage care from a distance but my first acknowledgement that self-care was needed was not abandoning work or my sanity to drive to the nearby city each day when I didn't have the time or energy to do so. I ate what I wanted, cried when I needed to and save a night of confused phone calls I have slept as much as I could when sleep finally came. I have camped out with her all weekend but one of those days I went to the movie I had planned and last night I "wasted" money on a hotel so I could sleep earlier and not have to repeat the drive several more times this weekend. This meant an earlier visit and a reasonable departure time today so that I can see another movie and sleep some more.
I've used my camping out time to my benefit. Done a bunch of grading, worked on P&T documents for the fall, played games, and chatted with her and family as needed. Camping out has also let me talk to her doctors directly, be here to authorize treatment if she couldn't and reduced my stress level so I wasn't trying to track down folks to get information from them without seeing their faces to really assess if they were telling me the truth or not. In the four and a half days she's been here, the numbers that should go down are, her disorientation is clearing up and they have clear plans for us for her post discharge care. We'll have to sort of the visits they want to make after discharge to see how we can arrange transport if I'm not available but given where I thought we were a week ago that's a small ask.
Honestly, my story isn't uncommon. Caretakers across the planet are often tasked with figuring out how to keep themselves healthy while doing that for someone else. I'm good at maintaining my diet but I need to be better about other health concerns and relaxing when I need to because it's hard to care for anyone when you're tapped out. This is just a gentle reminder to myself, the other caretakers and anyone in general that taking care of ourselves is just a necessary good. Work on it.
I still had to manage care from a distance but my first acknowledgement that self-care was needed was not abandoning work or my sanity to drive to the nearby city each day when I didn't have the time or energy to do so. I ate what I wanted, cried when I needed to and save a night of confused phone calls I have slept as much as I could when sleep finally came. I have camped out with her all weekend but one of those days I went to the movie I had planned and last night I "wasted" money on a hotel so I could sleep earlier and not have to repeat the drive several more times this weekend. This meant an earlier visit and a reasonable departure time today so that I can see another movie and sleep some more.
I've used my camping out time to my benefit. Done a bunch of grading, worked on P&T documents for the fall, played games, and chatted with her and family as needed. Camping out has also let me talk to her doctors directly, be here to authorize treatment if she couldn't and reduced my stress level so I wasn't trying to track down folks to get information from them without seeing their faces to really assess if they were telling me the truth or not. In the four and a half days she's been here, the numbers that should go down are, her disorientation is clearing up and they have clear plans for us for her post discharge care. We'll have to sort of the visits they want to make after discharge to see how we can arrange transport if I'm not available but given where I thought we were a week ago that's a small ask.
Honestly, my story isn't uncommon. Caretakers across the planet are often tasked with figuring out how to keep themselves healthy while doing that for someone else. I'm good at maintaining my diet but I need to be better about other health concerns and relaxing when I need to because it's hard to care for anyone when you're tapped out. This is just a gentle reminder to myself, the other caretakers and anyone in general that taking care of ourselves is just a necessary good. Work on it.
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