Dr. Rosalyn | Sunday Self-Care

I did not come up with the concept of self-care but I do highly advocate for it now.  When I was doing therapy full-time I was exhausted, my health was not remotely stable, and I was stressed.  I was seeing way too many clients and I wasn't taking breaks because I was single and had no kids.  Let me just tell you that perspective, while helpful to my colleagues and the folks we were trying to help, was a bad idea.  I didn't allow for the concept of downtime to enter my mind.  And I could what if myself into disaster scenarios with my clients faster than are releasing Marvel movies this year.  I loved my work but it was killing me. 


Immediately after leaving my position my stress level dropped and my health improved.  Since I started teaching I've taken it a step further, yep I'm super busy and likely always will be as I apparently like to be busy, but I'm more mindful now of what to do to prevent me coming home and hating life.  I do as much of nothing as humanly possible on Sunday.  I watch reruns of Twilight Zone or Law and Order.  I stalk to ID network and Tennis Channel to see what will be my eye candy for a few hours.  I do not respond to student emails and try not to even check to see if there are emails.  I sleep late, take naps, and whatever else will help me relax.  When I'm super motivated I'll head to the gym because a good sweat clears my head and I feel better but otherwise it's just downtime. 

You may be wondering why I'm feeling a need to share that information with you on this page.  Well the primary reason is we don't take care of ourselves very well.  We see all the work that must be done for others, for our jobs, our kids, our families and we go I'll take care of me later.  That's a fair plan but later normally means when our bodies break down and we're sick or injured.  It doesn't have to be a major bit of resistance to that programming but it will help.  Take a walk, talk to an old friend who gets your jokes without you having to explain them, eat the thing you shouldn't and enjoy it, get the massage, take the vacation, turn off your phone and sleep.  You may feel "selfish" in doing any of that but to be honest most of us are the very antithesis of selfish but even if someone else assigns that label to you it's okay.  What they mean in that moment is you aren't giving them what they want and here's a secret: you don't have to give them what they want in that moment.  That moment is yours and yours alone. 

Plot out space in your life that is for you and protect it.  Go read the silly book, go see Black Panther for the sixth time (I will be doing that soon I swear), roam a museum, watch clips from SNL or the Comedy Central, flirt with the person who keeps smiling at you or just go get the gourmet cupcakes or floral arrangement because you want it to brighten up your space.  Figure out how to fiercely love you so that you can fiercely love others and it may not seem like a direct connection but taking care of yourself is a deep part of that.

This is so important to me as I prepare to train future helpers I harp on it in my classes.  Former students notice when they need to step up the self-care and joke about it with me.  We educate ourselves on all matter of things but not why it matters to keep ourselves mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically healthy.  There's a line from my sorority oath that speaks to this and it always makes me smile that someone several years ago said yes we must attend to ourselves if we are to serve others best.  Do what you can to love yourself today and every day.