Dr. Rosalyn | Beyond Tired of This Mess

 

I debated writing this, as I do all things that directly discuss issues of race in America, but that debate wasn't very long this time.  I debated it because as a Black woman we have to carefully address all things surrounding our experiences and our realities in this world because people routinely are convinced we are 1) whining, 2) exaggerating, 3) looking for sympathy, 4) being aggressive or 5) some combination of all the above.  I can appreciate that I don't know what it feels like to be a middle aged white man right now because I have never been one but I wouldn't doubt if he felt frustrated by the world changing around him and that he is somehow losing out on what was promised to him.  Promised by whom I'm not sure, and that's not a slight on him, it's just that whomever that is made no such promises for and to me.  While the world may feel like it's going at an alarming rate for him, for me (and I am only going to speak for myself here) it has felt like we are moving at a glacial pace.  For every step forward we make, we are drug back and slammed on the proverbial concrete for "stepping out of place."  People are applauding Stacey Abrams right now and they should because that sister is fierce but when she was running for governor I remember hearing that she was arrogant and moving too fast and was--how dare she in her super chocolate skin even consider being-ambitious.  Those same things that make a male politician electable were knocks against her and it wasn't just her womanhood that was offending people.  It was her unapologetically Black approach to the world.  Her momma and daddy are Blackety Black, her siblings are Blackety Black, she went to a Blackety Black school (HBCU grads have literally bailed out this country more than I can count), spoken at Blakety Black events, organized for Blackety Black causes and people and never wavered in her mission even if her belief in herself may have taken hits.  Yes she got voters to the polls but she also tried to make people understand why they needed to complete the census to get the services they need and so their governments would have to recognize their needs and their worth.  She's still been called bitter and she may not have had time to do all of that had she just been elected governor but she wasn't and so we are here.  So yes give her some shine but let's also look at what is happening beyond Stacey because there's a lot.

What is happening in Washington, D.C. should not be shocking your senses.  It was clear that the Toddler in Chief was not going to take losing OFFICIALLY quietly.  He definitely gave nary a care after Pence and Kemp (who got his job by manipulating life but hey whatever) and Raffensperger pushed back on his last ditch attempts to gain some traction.  He did not care that his electoral college margin of defeat was the same as his margin of victory (give or take a few) because it wasn't working to his benefit this time.  Who cares if he lost the popular vote last time?  The electors put hi over and that's all that matters.  And now those same electors are corrupt and the system was stolen from him.  It's not easy to take 7 million people disliking you.  I get it.  But that's what happened.  And if you are on this page reading and are magically of the belief that the Democrats just wanted to be rid of Tyrantaosaurus Rex but not take firm control of the House or Senate you are crazy.  That's my professional opinion.  You need psychological help.  If the fix was in, and I'm definitely not saying it was, looking at what has happened it makes much more sense that his fellow party members screwed him over because they held their own or made gains.  They were tired of dealing with him for entirely different reasons than I was tired of him.

And yes I was tired of him.  He embodies every frustration I've ever had as a Black woman.  Incompetent, inarticulate, spoiled, coddled, narcissistic white man child that was not only bailed out left and right by his father and the federal government with his lovely "business loss deductions" who somehow convinced a large enough segment of the country that he was a brilliant business man who could make their lives better.  Wouldn't you know?  He got the effing job he was wholly unqualified for and proceeded to run it into the ground for his own personal gain, take credit for things he didn't do, and place the blame any and everywhere but on himself when things went sideways.  If you have been a semi conscious Black woman past the age of 8 you have seen this play out in your daily lives at work, in church, in popular culture and in a myriad of other places.  And you can't say out loud that this is effing ridiculous because then we start discussing meritocracy and not nepotism.  We don't discuss that people get jobs or opportunities because they know other people and the ways in which Black women in particular are excluded from those connections.  We don't discuss being the obvious diversity hire and the psychological damage that does to someone just trying to live their best lives BUT WE FLAT OUT IGNORE the spousal hire of the barely competent spouse.  They find a position for those without permanent tan's significant others while fighting those of us that don't always need sunscreen (debatable I know) tooth and nail for every promotion, project and idea until they realize we are needed for something.  I have worked in multiple settings for almost thirty years and in most of those settings until it was time to talk about the "Black" thing most folks couldn't tell you my name and would likely confuse me with another Black woman on the job.  Yep even at my current job which was amazing given we didn't look alike, have the same body type, complexion, hair color or remotely close to the same age.  I'm not supposed to be offended by those moments either.  I'm just supposed to accept the apology as an oversight and keep it pushing.  I definitely cannot scream at them or even be more than a little bit terse with them otherwise someone is going to ask me about my tone and I'm going to need a drink which I cannot have at work so yeah we're back at square one.  My point in all of that is when Black women said as much about what 45 would do, we were told we were overreacting and that his colleagues in Congress would check him.  Yeah sure right how did that work out.  Now I see #trustBlackwomen trending on social media and I don't even have the strength to tell you all the ways in which that will likely never happen and if at some point we decide to behave like everyone else around us does then we're all uniquely screwed.

So when I see literally armed stand offs in the Congress because someone assumed the skirmish from last night was an isolated moment then I'm so tired that tears won't come.  A great big glass of shut the heck up would be nice because even the well meaning media stoked this by continuing to give the Pacifier Pres too much coverage of his imagined slights and decompensation over the last few months and stoked up his base.  I don't have energy to hear how we are better than this.  Some of may be but some folks clearly are not.  They were just waiting for the right time and motivation and instead of being able to really appreciate what Black women's organizing in Georgia may have gained us, we are watching a truculent, petulant, virulent human being dismantle the last vestiges of graces and decorum available to him.  All while, the traitorous individuals who threatened sitting members of Congress over a perfunctory vote move around relatively unharmed and unchecked and if we are lucky may be prosecuted but I wouldn't hold my breath on that.  Which brings me to the final indignation in today's events.  Over the last year, Black men and women have been shot and killed by the police (and a father-son duo plus a 17 year old with an illegal weapon) for EXISTING.  Not rioting, not threatening anyone doing their jobs but for: standing by a car after breaking up a fight, being in bed, taking a jog, walking home, shopping, standing in their home, protesting another shooting and so much more.  Last year was the deadliest ever for police shootings/killings which is weird because we were HOME most of the year.  But as of me starting this admittedly very long message not a single person storming the capital had been shot or even injured.  But police tear gas and intimidate Black protestors after year another shooting that will garner us no justice.  Because over the last year only two of those essentially state sanctioned killings have warranted any real potential for punishment and one of those just happened a few weeks ago.  

Yes #trustBlackwomen is a great mantra but what is American society doing to prove that we can trust it?  It's certainly not what is happening today or any of what happened over the last four years.  Hell, the VP elect was a decent presidential candidate who was swept aside early in the process.  I get it.  The line of succession for American politics is 50-11 white guys, one very dynamic and compassionate technically biracial but Black man, any white guy cause how dare you libtards, meh on white women and THEN Black women will get a turn maybe.  So maybe you don't trust us all that much after all.  And that is why I'm super tired of the whole damn thing and desperately wish that there was an easy--hell I'd even take hard as creation at this stage--access point to Wakanda.  A day like this may never come again but there will definitely be another round of all the personal and routine indignities on the offing again much too soon.

If this post offends you, and it might, imagine if this is the time you want to discuss it with me or not.  If you still say yep then keep in mind I won't be policing my tone and I won't be anything but entirely honest with you.  If it's occurring to you that waiting may be more appropriate, that's fine too.  I'm always happy to discuss things with you if you're willing to accept my experience before you tell me why I may be mistaken.  Until you've had to live life as a dark skinned intelligent Black woman in THIS country, I promise you that you will not ever really know when I may have been mistaken.