On November 5, 2024 I exhaled

 

Hey People,

Haven't posted in a while.  Was busy working and exploring the universe.  Creating opportunities for my students and learning about different things with my colleagues. And yes dreading another election cycle because it was exhausting playing out the various scenarios of what may happen and who might be hurt if a worst case scenario happened.  However, as the election got clearer and closer it was apparent that everyone but those that could literally buy a favor were going to be decimated.  They wouldn't believe that of course so I stopped arguing with folks.  I answered student questions as diplomatically as I could because I knew they didn't have enough life experience to really see what may happen to them or those they loved depending on who became the next president.  For a long stretch I assumed that would be former President Biden until the very idealistic among us forced him out of the running.  And yes I'm going to say forced because they were worried about his age, his "misplaced" support in the conflict in Gaza, and the economy.  Before I move on, this is the one criticism of Democrats I will tolerate.  We are so busy looking for perfect candidates that we sometimes forget we have to freaking win for the other stuff to even matter.  The other team literally nominated a felon to ascend to the presidency again and folks were just so displeased with the current administration that they forced a pivot and then still stayed home and didn't vote.  Moving on.  

I don't talk about my political affiliations often but I'm sure most people assume.  I am a Black woman in America after all and unlike former secretary of state Dr. Condoleeza Rice I don't vote based on the one good thing a party did in the freeing of formerly enslaved folks.  I'd say it was a long long time ago but between sharecropping, Jim Crow, legal segregation, redlining, "nuisance laws" that disproportionately impact communities of color, and the attack on affirmative action and DEI it really feels like yesterday.  I likely won't talk about it much again after this post.  Not because it's not valid or part of my identity but because people will assume I'm trying to indoctrinate them or judge them.  I can't and won't.  I grew up in Texas.  I have always been able to separate how someone votes from who they are because I grew up with people who were going to vote differently than I did and still saw me as a person.  Not some evil monolith who just disagreed on how to achieve goals.  I don't judge my students or colleagues now.  It's harder to bridge that divide than it was before for lots of reasons but I know that I've always voted to try to protect everyone and I don't fault others for whatever motivates them to vote because at least you are voting.  I'm still a little annoyed at the Bernie Bros because Bernie Sanders isn't a Democrat.  I'm annoyed the primary system allows anyone to run that briefly changes their affiliation to seek the nomination but immediately change it back when they lose.  Either you're in or you're not.  And I this will be more important later but Bernie Sanders, like Pete Buttigieg, had a Black woman problem.  Will we alone swing you to victory?  No but if you don't have us doing the work we do AND voting then you definitely won't win.

I wasn't excited or encouraged when we suddenly had a biracial female presidential nominee because I knew I would likely get a chance to see America's disdain for brown women play out on a large public stage.  And let me just say America did not disappoint.  From rumors about her romantic life, to attacks on her womanhood for not having children, to her partner not being Black to her not being Black because of some mistaken belief that her father had to be a white man, and her lack of interviews and then interviews with the "wrong people" to being distressed that high profile women of color were doing everything they could to help her out from concerts to campaign speeches.  Then there were the we didn't select her folks who were mad that the person they chose as VP in nomination process--who would assume the role if the President was unable to do so--was now the nominee.  She literally did everything she could in 100 days to tell people she was a better option than a literal felon and folks were allegedly focused on the economy--one that had stabilized, was rebounding and was nervous because she had threatened to go after the folks that actually controlled the prices the public paid for goods.  I was not surprised when she lost.  Not because I didn't think she was the better candidate but given so many factors the idea that a woman could lead the country better than a literal felon seems to be unbelievable to so many or it did.

On the evening of the election when it was clear that former VP Kamala Harris had lost, I didn't spend time doom scrolling or looking at where I could relocate to as I did in 2016, I exhaled.  Deeply and with my full chest.  And I went to sleep.  See Black women had already been prepping for this moment because we know America.  We didn't have to say sis go to sleep, sis take care of yourself, sis this is no longer our battle.  We all just kind of knew those things to be the case.  And so we did.  We started talking about gardening, vacations, reading and self-care.  What we didn't talk about was how to save folks who didn't want to be saved--clearly.  And I know you may be saying how do you get to that point well the image below is partially why.  I won't belabor any one group but the group I belong to saw only one path forward to maintaining our current way of life and everyone else it was more of a toss up.  And I know folks didn't read the actual text of or the comic book version of Project 2025 so they believed the literal felon when he said that wasn't his agenda because he's always so truthful--I don't have a sarcasm emoji big enough for this post but know that I would insert if I did.

 

Now that it's clear that they may have been misled I've heard calls for assistance from every group of folks that were going to be clearly harmed by the current administration.  I was shocked by the rush of EO but not their content and that the chaos that ensued wouldn't hurt everyone including the most stalwart supporters.  Someone asked why aren't they just pushing these into law because they control the Senate, House and the presidency.  EO insulate elected officials from having to go on record that they want to destroy their constituents way of life.  Sham confirmation hearings don't count because the average person doesn't track them at all but seeing your senator vote to dismantle your child's educational support might motivate someone to vote differently in 2026.  So back to those pleas for help.  We've been asked to remember we're all women except we aren't when it matters or the threats that they won't be there to defend us when the administration "comes for us finally" without remembering that we get scapegoated for the ills of the country just like they do so we aren't overly concerned at the moment.  Maybe we should be but legit we seem to be watching the world unfold with a kind of abject curiosity that has been absent for a while.  That doesn't mean we aren't supporting your fight to get what you need.  We just don't plan on being out front and catching the disrespect for you this time.  This time you have to figure it out without Black women catching hell and then being discarded when have achieved what you needed without making sure we are okay too.  

I will continue to have good conversations with people, especially my students (current, former and future).  And I will continue to do good work with my colleagues (current, future and former).  But that over extension and exhaustion I'm tapping out of.  I'll be engaging with The Nap Ministry, taking vacations, laughing with my friends, eating good food, taking more vacations, listening to music, laughing at random videos online especially I Never Thought the Leopards Would Eat My Face, catching up with folks, and taking even more vacations.  The other heavy lifting the collective sister of Black women, including myself, we're gonna let y'all have that for a minute.  This isn't a Hot Girl Summer (trademark Megan Thee Stallion maybe) but a Rest Well Sojourn.  And the next time you need to vote for anything think about EVERYONE who may be impacted by that decision--that is if we get a chance to vote again.  Tennessee is trying to make it illegal to vote against the current administration's immigration policy.  If that passes along with legislation that would allow for non consecutive presidents to get three shots at the apple then we have just washed the crash of an experiment that wasn't on great legs before this.  Ahh well.  Gonna go enjoy one day with no meetings to attend to.